LOVE BUGGED … Stages of Love

Hello =) 

This is Part 2 of the “Love Bugged’ topic I posted previously. Every couples a.k.a. “Lovers” normally undergo different stages in their relationship when they finally agree to share the “LOVE” they feel for each other.  I couldn’t properly express what’s in my head about this topic for fear that I might use the wrong words and I might end up jeopardizing the very essence of this blog, and that is to share something real, with information supported by facts, yet anyone can relate to.  With this in mind, I researched and found an article supported by a study about the Stages in Love Relationship.  For the reason of saving blog space, I edited and rephrased this article by Gary Brainerd because it’s too long and I wanted to be more direct to the point so I only noted the most important part. This is sort of an excerpt (or an extract)   from his original article; I hope you find this interesting.  Read on =)

Stages in Love Relationships
Gary Brainerd

The Enchantment Stage

Most love relationships start off in what is usually called the "Romantic" phase or the "Enchantment" phase. The brain secretes a special endorphin that makes the lovers feel happy, complete, alive, and very positive. When you are "in love" you literally are on drugs. The endorphins make us feel whole and complete. In the "enchantment" phase there is a lot of laughter, playfulness, affection and sexual energy.  There is a great emphasis on similarities and "sameness".  The enchantment or romantic stage is necessary, but temporary. In this stage the couple is connected and is given a taste of the potential of the relationship. The Enchantment Stage lasts on average of 6-8 months. How long the romantic stage lasts seems to depend on how much time the couple spends with each other and the amount of "baggage" the individuals bring to the relationship.  The enchantment stage will gradually evolve in the next stage -- the Power Struggle Stage.

The Power Struggle Stage

When the enchantment phase ends, endorphin wears off and is no longer secreted, the negative traits emerge with a greater impact and the relationship moves into the "Power Struggle".  This is the stage where a partner who once wanted to spend lots of time and energy in the relationship; is now quiet, pre-occupied, and unavailable.   In this phase, partner who is kind, respectful and considerate during the romantic phase becomes impatient, authoritative and unresponsive.  At this point, couples are faced with the burden of choosing the path where they want their relationship to go.

Ø  One way is for couples to Stay Together  and try to understand all the factors involved  in an intimate, committed relationships and choose to do the necessary actions to make the relationship work. (And I'm afraid it is the Road Less Traveled).  Couples who chose to stay together for a variety of reasons, ranging from religious values, family values, wanting to keep the family together, financial stressors, etc., believe that the problem is not with marriage, but with the understanding of marriage, and so they enter in to a stage that requires work and healing to create a "smart relationship" or parallel relationship that knows how to handle the Power Struggle between the partners with no clarity whether love still exist between them.

Ø  The other way is for couples to End the relationship  "do what comes naturally", and that’s to let go of the burden of maintaining the relationship.  This is where couples decide to separate. They feel the despair of the Power Struggle claiming they selected the wrong partner, and could no longer manage to keep the relationship the way they want it to.

The U-Turn Stage

Couples who select this route usually do so because they do not want either a separation or parallel relationship. They find themselves learning a lot about themselves, about their partner, about relationships.  Couples will learn and develop new skills; master processes that are designed to help them along the relationship journey, and have a clear understanding that the Power Struggle is "growth and healing; Something that  should not  be taken negatively.  In doing so, couples who undergo the process without losing the clarity of the true meaning of “Love” between the two of them will then experience the final stage, and that is “The Goal”.

The Goal

The final stage is sometimes called "Realistic Love". It is a much higher level of relationship satisfaction, but unlike the Romantic Phase, it is based on a mature, realistic love that is grounded in understanding, healing and growth.   Something every one of us dreams of, but has always been elusive.  Well, I do believe that “Real Love” does happen.   When, Where, How and with Whom is still a Blank that needs to be filled; but for now lets just hope that someday, somehow, “Real Love” will knock on our door, and when that happens, be sure to be prepared and welcome it with arms wide open =)

Here is a short film about Love Stages by WongFu Productions entitled “Strangers Again” … I can very much relate to this, and I know anyone who had previous relationship  can relate as well.  WongFu is one of my favorite YouTuber, and this is one of their works that really made me admire them more.  Enjoy!

Hope you enjoyed this one... Have fun you all =)

LOVE BUGGED… Symptoms of Falling in Love

           Another day passed.  I promised myself that I’ll sleep early tonight because I’ve been losing sleep for days now.  It seem like I’m going to break that promise again, because I can’t seem to stop writing for my blog.  (Darn, I have no idea Blogging can be addictive: P)

         

       My friend and I had a chat on Facebook about her “annoying” suitor.  She asked me for some advice on how to deal with such annoyance.  I told her that it is normal for a guy to act like that because he’s been contaminated with the "Love Bug"  I told her to just be nice and civil to the guy.  I told her that if she can’t deal with him that way, its better to tell the guy what she really feels for him.  Honesty is the best advice I can offer. 

          Falling in love with someone is an exciting, wonderful experience.  It may also be a bit confusing. If you are unfamiliar with this experience, you might even find yourself asking why you feel such thing, to the point that you don't even understand what is happening with you.  Sometimes, you are not even aware when it happens. If you know the signs of being in love, it will help relieve your confusion and understand your inner feelings.

         Honestly, I only felt the “Love Bug” syndrome twice… The first one didn’t even last long enough for me to reminisce about it… Weird... Maybe because I wasn’t sure that time if I was really in love.  The second time I felt the “Love Sickness” was extreme.  At that time I was very sure I was In Love, because I have all the symptoms, I was blinded.  The feeling was beyond explanation, I ended up marrying the guy, and the rest is history.  As of now, I am in a state where I’m not sure about what I'm feeling towards someone I consider special.  Last night the beautiful sight of the moon in the sky inspired me to write a poem for him.  Read on =)  

Letter to my Moon

Dear Moon,

There you go again shining proud and bright.

Yellow silver glistening so brightly

You seem happier every time I see you,

I can’t help but be fascinated by your light. 

Without effort, you pull me towards you.

My eyes see only nothing but you.

You seem so near yet so far. 

I can only admire you from a distance, 

and wish for your light to shine on me.

But you are the moon… my moon.

You are created to be up there… and I, down here.

I will forever be inspired by you… swept away by you…

I’ll use your light to guide my way to your direction,

I’ll use your light to create a sparkle of my own… A “Star” Light

And when I’m done, I’ll find my way up there where you belong...

You are still my moon… but this time, you’ll have a star beside you,

And that’s me…

           Sometimes we tend to get confused identifying what we really feel towards someone.  We can’t seem to differentiate the feeling of Love from that of Infatuation.  Here is a video that I find helpful in identifying the “Love Bug” symptoms.  Enjoy =)

          Hope you enjoyed the 1^st part of my Blog for the topic “Love Bugged”.  The 2^nd part will be about the Love Stages.  I’m starting on that one already.  

          

          Have a “LoVeLy” day everyone!

The Concept of Money and how I see it

Tonight is such a wonderful evening with nice weather & glittery star-filled sky.  I just finished the audio book my friend Solomon Yee shared to me.  (Thank you very much sensei)  The audio book (Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki ) was quite long but it is very interesting, and It  was able to enlighten me on how to teach my kids about the concept of money and hard work  in a different perspective, quite opposite to how my parents trained me.  The audio book inspired me to write this blog.  I hope I’ll do well on this one.

To be born from a poor family with parents who barely had a proper education is indeed unfortunate. I grew up and witnessed how my parents struggled so hard to provide for us.  Every cent from their hard-earned money counts.  They taught us to be independent and hardworking. My family lives a very simple & contented life (as in super simple, plain life).  We barely have anything … lol…I remember asking my father why we don’t have the things our neighbors have, and all he said was, “Anak, huwag ka maiinggit sa kapwa mo, masama yun.” (“My child, never be envious of your neighbors, it’s not good”).

            At an early age I realized how important money is.   I grew up with the belief that poor people like us who have less money enjoy life less, while on the other hand, rich people enjoy the good things and gets richer everyday…This is my Concept of Money, and I Hated it!

Having less money made me appreciate the value of things around me no matter how simple it may be.  “Life is not always about having more financially; it is about being happy & contented with the people that are important to you”.  This is how my parents trained me.  Part of me agrees with my parents, the other half of me disagree.  I hated the fact that we are poor because I wanted to experience what rich people enjoy.  At the same time, what my parents taught me about being contented with what we have no matter how minimal it is makes a lot of sense.  According to them, I am  luckier than rich people because I can sleep better, no one would want to rob my wealth because I have none :P  The people who befriends me want me for simply being myself and not for the wealth, fame or power brought about by having lots of money.

Money plays a significant role in people’s lives.  Studies have found that money is bad for the interpersonal self but can be good for the personal self. (This is with reference to a study done by Sauder School of Business, University of British Columbia that conducted an experiment on how people reacted to situations involving money.)   On the Interpersonal Self, research is clear that the love of money is often the start of trouble—relationship trouble, mostly. People who highly value money have poorer relationships than those who take a more moderate approach to money.  People’s mental health is also harmed when they value both family relationships and the possession of material objects, because these two values conflict and cause mental stress.  (Intriguingly, people who value material object but not family does not have mental health side effects or mental stress.) Hence, wanting money or what money can buy impairs relationship-related outcomes.  However, life seems to be better when people have money than when people lack money.  Having more money is associated with more frequent positive emotions and less frequent negative emotions which is good for personal health.  Financial strain is accompanied by heightened depression, ill physical health, and lower feelings of control.  It is somewhat puzzling that wanting money seems to make life worse, but having money makes life better. 

We should remember that although money is our means to survive, it is still only a part of our true Net Worth. There is much more to accomplish than just a solid bank account.  Never look at money as our main purpose in life.   Look at money as just a tool to establish our goals. It should never be given the power to rule or ruin our lives.  Below are simple rules on money matter, it seems very simple but is actually very hard to follow.

Rule-1: Money has to flow in order to stay alive and grow -spend it wisely.

 ( hmm…Im working on my spending habit, I noticed I’ve been cost cutting a lot..argh! )

Rule-2: Never spend more than you have ( yeah yeah…sure :P )

Rule-3: Always dare to spend it when there is a potential to receive more... Invest.

( Arghh!!! Nothing left for this one … I wanted so badly to save but nothing is left of my salary for me to invest!  what the Heck! )

  

As the saying goes, “Money is the root of all evil.”  It’s not money that is evil, but the greed that is inherent in a person and his desire for wealth, power and anything money can buy.  It doesn’t take a genius or a scientific study to see clearly how money can make or break a person’s character, sadly thou, most people fall prey to the good things money has to offer, allowing greed crawl within, and the cycle of money madness goes on...and on.  

As for myself, I still hate the concept of money and how it makes the world go round & crazy…but hey, don’t get me wrong, like everyone else; I want money…lots and lots of money! And when I get to be a billionaire ($) I’ll give some to anyone who will post a comment on this blog XP … hehe…   Who knows? Dreams do come true…

For those who give money less importance :  Price Tag

and for  those who wish for LOTs of money :  Billionaire

 Hope you discover in yourself  your own concept of money... ENJOY !!!

The Price I have to pay to Work Abroad, is it really worth it?

It was 10pm last night July 10, 2011.  As I lay on bed together with my kids, Kyle & Sam, during our usual bonding moment before I send them to sleep, (They can’t sleep without me by their side.) I had this conversation with my daughter Sam.  I was stroking her hair when she told me about her wish list.  My daughter at her very young age (5) already understands the value of money for commoners like us.  I see to it that she understood very well that we have to work hard for anything that we want, and that we can’t spend too much on unnecessary things.  This is how our conversation went:  

Sam:  Mama, pag marami ka ng pera ibili mo po ako ng magandang Barbie, castle play house, tapos magagandang dress, shoes at saka toys!

( Mama, when you have lots of money, please buy me a pretty Barbie, castle play house, pretty dress, shoes & toys! )

Me: Beh ( short for baby … this is how I call my kids ) Not now.  Hindi pa kaya ni mama.  Mag wo-work  si mama abroad para mabili ni mama lahat ng gusto nyo ni Kyle.

(Beh, not now.  Mama cant afford it yet.  Mama will work abroad, so I can buy anything you & kyle  want )

Sam:  Abroad?  Diba malayo yun mama?  Sasakay ka ng airplane diba?

(Abroad? That is far mama, right? You will ride the airplane, right? )

Me:  Opo.  ( yes )

Sam:  Mama iiwan mo din kami tulad ni papa? ( her face reaction started to change )  

(Mama, are you going to leave us too like papa? )

Me:  beh, kailangan ni mama mag work abroad para mabigyan ko kayo ng magandang buhay at para mabili ko lahat ng gusto n’yong toys.

(beh, mama need to work abroad so I can give you a better life and so that I can buy all the toys you wished for )

Sam:  (in tears) Mama, ayoko na ng toys… kahit wala na kaming toys ni kyle basta wag mo lang kami iiwan.. wala na nga kaming papa tapos iiwanan mo pa kami…kawawa naman kami… 

(Mama, I don’t want toys anymore… It’s okay that we don’t have toys as long as you don’t leave us… Papa left us already, and then you want to leave us too… what a pity ...)

Me:  tahan na, wag ka na umiyak.  Hindi na ako aalis.

(Hush now, stop crying... I won’t leave you anymore ...)

Sam:  Promise?  Promise hindi mo kami iiwan ha?

(Promise? Promise you wont leave us? ...)

Me:  Promise. =)

After affirming my promise to stay with them, I kissed my kids goodnight and sent them to sleep.

As I look at them, I feel this heavy feeling in my heart.  I wanted so badly to give them the best of everything, and yet I failed miserably.  I can only see working abroad as my best option to be able to provide better for them, and yet again, the idea of leaving my kids is tearing me to pieces.  It’s holding me back from pursuing a life abroad.

Working aboard was once a wonderfully exiting idea for me.  I used to dream of moving abroad on a more permanent basis in order to nurture a brighter future for me & my family.  But my priorities changed after I chose to marry & raise my own family.   And now that I am the sole provider, I am thinking of pursuing a career abroad, hoping that it can give me a better life that I have been wishing for.  Some of the major points that I need to consider are as follows:  

Advantages: 

Better & higher compensation                                                                                                  
Living and working somewhere else.
Experiencing a different culture.
Learning a different language

New Friends from a different place.
New experiences, new challenges.

Disadvantages:
Starting from scratch.  Being Independent to the highest level!
Not being near your family and friends and being away from your home.
Home sickness & Being lonely.
Learning a different language

Adjusting to cultural differences (Culture Shocks)

Having to make new friends and trusting new people.

With all these considerations, I am torn whether to work & live abroad, or just be contented with my low paying job here in Manila and live a simple life together with my kids and everyone dear to me.   Working abroad means leaving my precious kids, my family, friends and risking my life in a foreign place that is “Alien” to me, with no assurance of success and failure is not an option. 

Haisssst…. Why is life so hard?  For the n^th time, it makes me want to sing “Billionaire” by Bruno Mars.

“I wanna be a billionaire so freakin’ bad” 

When I get to have all the money I need, I won’t have to think of this “Working Abroad” issue ever again…

Hosting a Children's Party the Jologs Way

     It's part of Filipino tradition to celebrate a child’s 1^st & 7^th birthday with a blast.  A first birthday party marks the parents' celebration of their child's first year of life, so this milestone is a great reason for parents & family members to organize a salu-salo( get together ) and celebrate the occasion regardless of difficulties in terms of financing the party.   This holds true in my cousin’s case.  He wanted to celebrate his daughter’s 1^st b-day with a kid’s party but he’s on a tight budget.  So, being the ever supportive and loving relatives and friends that we are, we joined forces to help my cousin’s wife organize a budget friendly yet fun-filled kiddy party for Macki’s special day. 

     Each family member contributed something to the occasion, some volunteered to do the cooking, some neighbors offered to prepare the small space we have in our compound where we usually hold a gathering.  Everyone was busy doing their assigned task. It was like a  bonding moment for all of us who took part in organizing the party. 

         Here are some of the alternatives we did in order to save on cost, yet still manage to host a fun filled kid's party for Macki. 

• Guest List – Limit the guests to only those who are in your close circle of friends and relatives.   It will not only make the party less awkward for the guests invited but also, you wouldn’t have to worry of negative side comments & criticism from your guests because you already have good relationship with each other. Besides, it’s a lot better to share occasion like this with people who matters most.

• .Location – Host the party at home rather than rent a venue to host the party.  Children won’t care anyway where the party is held as long as they are having fun. 

•  Food – Keep food costs down by holding the party in the afternoon so it doesn’t include a full meal. Prepare most of the food if you can by yourself or ask for help from your friends.  Suggested food (combination of any): Spaghetti, fried chicken, ice cream, sandwich, cupcakes, hotdogs & juice for beverage.

  

•  Invitations – Instead of choosing made to order (customized) invitations which is usually priced at P10.00 & above depending on the layout design and materials used , buy readymade invitations available in stores nearest to you like National Bookstore. They usually come in packs (10pcs./pack) that is reasonably priced at P40-50 per pack, that would cost from P4–P5 per invites.  Or better yet, try to create your own invitation cards using Photoshop or any program available that you can use like MS PowerPoint.  You can create your own layout and you can even customize your own design depending on what you like, if you don’t have a colored printer, you can have it printed in Net cafés that provide printing services. We chose to make our own customized invitation and have it printed, and it only cost us P6.00 per invites including the envelope.  

• Decorations – It is really nice to have a theme whenever we host a kid’s party.  But if you happen to have problems decorating your place base on the theme you choose, and it requires you to buy more decor items to align with your theme, but you don’t want to spend more on this anymore,   forget the theme & just settle on making the place colorful and enticing to get the children’s attention.  Fill the places with toys available in your house, surround it with balloons (you can buy “do it yourself balloons) and give some to the kids. Let them make their own balloon.  This will make them busy and excited while you host the party.

• Games - You don’t need to hire an entertainer like clown or host for the party.  You can always Google for party games that kids like and include it in your party plan.  You just need to ask for the help of a friend or relatives to assist you in executing the games.  Use washable markers to set up a face painting activity.  You need not be an artist to do this, simple designs on the guests’ faces will do. Even kids can do this by themselves, just give them the face paint and ask them to paint cute objects on each other’s faces; this is one activity that sure is fun for them.

• Pinatas are a great party activity that kids love. it’s not too hard to make a piñata using these directions. But if you were not able to purchase a Piñata, and wasn’t able to create one, you can always have alternatives just like what we did.  We used clay pots filled with candies and coins in it as substitute for the piñata.  We called the game pukpok palayok (The Pukpok Palayok (in English: hitting the pot) is a traditional Filipino game that involves a person's memory and his ability in hitting objects. It is usually played by two or more contestants who must hit the palayok or clay pot using a club or bat while blindfolded. The first player who can smash the palayok into pieces wins a prize. Every palayok contains coins, candies and other small prizes, which are available to anyone who can grab them as soon as they fall to the ground. For this reason, it is very common to see children gather around the palayok and wait for someone to break it into pieces. This game, due to its fun and exciting nature, is often played during town fiestas, parties and other celebrations.)

•  Goody Bags  ( Loot Bags )-Let the guests make a craft as one of your activities and then take it home as their party favor. Here is a list of great kids party crafts that can double as a party favor.  Limit the favors to just one or two items plus some candy.  In Macki’s lootbag, we put in candies, one toy and one sticker book which also served as their activity during the party.

• Souvenir-It’s your choice whether you like to add souvenirs for party favors.  But souvenir is like a token of appreciation for guest who spent time to attend to your occasion.  There are variety of souvenir choices, and one of the most popular and cost friendly is the figurine which we chose as give away to adults who came to the party.  The best place to hunt for cheap yet pretty figurine souvenir is in Divisoria.

       Well, it was a very tiring yet fulfilling day.  To be able to pull a budget friendly yet fun filled party was indeed very challenging, but we all managed to make it happen.  Just remember that what really matter in holding a party,  is the joy that you bring to everyone. It doesn't matter how you celebrated it, it doesn't matter how much you spent for it, what’s important is the smile that you put in each of the guest’s faces, the happy feeling and the  memory of a party worth remembering again and again.

Yehey! to a children’s party done “The Jologs way” :P