It was 10pm last night July 10, 2011. As I lay on bed together with my kids, Kyle & Sam, during our usual bonding moment before I send them to sleep, (They can’t sleep without me by their side.) I had this conversation with my daughter Sam. I was stroking her hair when she told me about her wish list. My daughter at her very young age (5) already understands the value of money for commoners like us. I see to it that she understood very well that we have to work hard for anything that we want, and that we can’t spend too much on unnecessary things. This is how our conversation went:
Sam: Mama, pag marami ka ng pera ibili mo po ako ng magandang Barbie, castle play house, tapos magagandang dress, shoes at saka toys!
( Mama, when you have lots of money, please buy me a pretty Barbie, castle play house, pretty dress, shoes & toys! )
Me: Beh ( short for baby … this is how I call my kids ) Not now. Hindi pa kaya ni mama. Mag wo-work si mama abroad para mabili ni mama lahat ng gusto nyo ni Kyle.
(Beh, not now. Mama cant afford it yet. Mama will work abroad, so I can buy anything you & kyle want )
Sam: Abroad? Diba malayo yun mama? Sasakay ka ng airplane diba?
(Abroad? That is far mama, right? You will ride the airplane, right? )
Me: Opo. ( yes )
Sam: Mama iiwan mo din kami tulad ni papa? ( her face reaction started to change )
(Mama, are you going to leave us too like papa? )
Me: beh, kailangan ni mama mag work abroad para mabigyan ko kayo ng magandang buhay at para mabili ko lahat ng gusto n’yong toys.
(beh, mama need to work abroad so I can give you a better life and so that I can buy all the toys you wished for )
Sam: (in tears) Mama, ayoko na ng toys… kahit wala na kaming toys ni kyle basta wag mo lang kami iiwan.. wala na nga kaming papa tapos iiwanan mo pa kami…kawawa naman kami…
(Mama, I don’t want toys anymore… It’s okay that we don’t have toys as long as you don’t leave us… Papa left us already, and then you want to leave us too… what a pity ...)
Me: tahan na, wag ka na umiyak. Hindi na ako aalis.
(Hush now, stop crying... I won’t leave you anymore ...)
Sam: Promise? Promise hindi mo kami iiwan ha?
(Promise? Promise you wont leave us? ...)
Me: Promise. =)
As I look at them, I feel this heavy feeling in my heart. I wanted so badly to give them the best of everything, and yet I failed miserably. I can only see working abroad as my best option to be able to provide better for them, and yet again, the idea of leaving my kids is tearing me to pieces. It’s holding me back from pursuing a life abroad.
Working aboard was once a wonderfully exiting idea for me. I used to dream of moving abroad on a more permanent basis in order to nurture a brighter future for me & my family. But my priorities changed after I chose to marry & raise my own family. And now that I am the sole provider, I am thinking of pursuing a career abroad, hoping that it can give me a better life that I have been wishing for. Some of the major points that I need to consider are as follows:
Advantages:
Better & higher compensation
Living and working somewhere else.
Experiencing a different culture.
Learning a different language
Living and working somewhere else.
Experiencing a different culture.
Learning a different language
New Friends from a different place.
New experiences, new challenges.
New experiences, new challenges.
Disadvantages:
Starting from scratch. Being Independent to the highest level!
Not being near your family and friends and being away from your home.
Home sickness & Being lonely.
Learning a different language
Starting from scratch. Being Independent to the highest level!
Not being near your family and friends and being away from your home.
Home sickness & Being lonely.
Learning a different language
Adjusting to cultural differences (Culture Shocks)
Having to make new friends and trusting new people.
With all these considerations, I am torn whether to work & live abroad, or just be contented with my low paying job here in Manila and live a simple life together with my kids and everyone dear to me. Working abroad means leaving my precious kids, my family, friends and risking my life in a foreign place that is “Alien” to me, with no assurance of success and failure is not an option.
Haisssst…. Why is life so hard? For the nth time, it makes me want to sing “Billionaire” by Bruno Mars.
“I wanna be a billionaire so freakin’ bad”
When I get to have all the money I need, I won’t have to think of this “Working Abroad” issue ever again…
well... toys are good... good toys are even better.. but the thing is, even the best toy can't hug and kiss you, make you feel safe, be next to you and give you a good piece of advice when you're hurt or feeling down... nothing can be compared to MOM, and kids know it the best :)
ReplyDelete:) very true... it's actually the chain that's been holding me back from pursuing a life abroad, I know that the hardship I have to endure in other country, is nothing compared to the pain that I will give my kids when I leave them, and that will hurt me more.
ReplyDelete